Holy Moly: The Fall

Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.

Pretty strong meat from the Lord there. Let’s back up.

The serpent (not, I would like to point out, the Devil, who appears in Paradise Lost) talks Eve into eating from the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil. She, in turn, tells Adam to eat. Bam. The Fall.

I’m not here to justify this passage. Sure, it’s all allegory and myth. But seriously, fuck God. Ephraim, who has since been to some Lib meetings, is pretty ashamed of how the whole thing plays out. “Sure, we could have said that because Adam and Eve ate the fruit they were cursed, Eve to suffer the pain of birth, Adam to suffer the pain of working for his food. Sexist, but not that sexist. But no, we had to include this part:”

Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.

At its heart, the whole thing is about adulthood. Adam and Eve are children, eating for free, roaming around shamelessly naked, cared for by their awesome Father figure. Then they grow up, gain knowledge than cannot be ungained, and have to deal with the fact that it’s not all Eden in life. Why? Because this story. Just so.

But there are problems. The Fall is portrayed as being humanity’s fault, like perpetual childhood is something in which God would want humans to stay. Not much free will there, amiright? I guess God gave them free will to listen to the serpent.

From a mythical standpoint, it’s perfectly fine to have forbidden knowledge: Pandora (not the streaming music service) anyone? But usually either the knowledge is the curse or there’s some positive part of the knowledge or both. Pandora keeps hope in the box. What do Adam and Eve get?

See, legalism again: break God’s rules and get a good smiting. Never mind that knowing good and evil is a bit of a curse in and of itself; without knowledge of good and evil, everything is good.

And why couldn’t the serpent have tricked Eve into eating the fruit from the tree of life? God would be pissed but we’d all live forever.

This part doesn’t sit well with me. I want a rewrite, more progressive, and less with God cursing and more with God being disappointed that God can’t keep God’s children safe and children forever.

And that’s all you’re getting on the Fall.

Holy Moly: Two Beginnings?

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. Gen 2:1-3

This can only be explained as the writer being lazy and sticking a paragraph of the previous chapter at the beginning… wait, Ephraim is telling me that the original writers of the Torah didn’t come up with the chapter headings. So… someone in the middle ages fucked up royal, huh?

Why break the chapters like this? Could it be to make it so that it doesn’t seem quite as much like two different origin stories hastily cobbled together? To make Adam and Steve… sorry, Eve, seem like part of the previous story?

Adam and Eve

So here we are, where we all want to be, Genesis 2 (the not-scribal-error part). We don’t know what day it is because, well, it’s a different story. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Adam and Eve are to “the six days of creation” what Khepri the creator is to Atum the creator: both of the latter are creation myths by the same culture that lasted thousands of years, and both can coexist happily, but neither have to be part of the other for it to work. So it is with Genesis 1 and 2.

Genesis 1 tells the story of creation, the genesis of the world if you will. Human beings are put on the world but other than “Get fuckin’!” they don’t get much air time. So now we’re going to trace the roots of the chosen people way, way back to the father of it all, Adam, whose name means “The Man,” by the by. He’s the primeval man. And his creation from dust is very, very similar to the creation myths of numerous other Middle Eastern cultures, except for some reason without the whole jacking off onto the dust to make mud aspect of things. Ephraim tells me they discussed that but wanted to avoid a hard R rating.

So God makes Adam, and he’s obviously a chosen guy because God made him told him to give names to things; which, as we saw in Genesis 1, is a pretty big deal. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had Adam decided to name everything “Burton Q. Lindquist Jr.” but that’s neither here nor there. God is on the hunt for a partner for Adam, so Adam gets to name everything.

Here’s where a culture which placed value in a particular animal might have changed this myth. Say the Israelites had placed particular value in goats, for instance. Then God would have gone looking for a partner for the primeval man and when God brought forth the goats to be named, that would have been the partnership. And maybe the whole thing with the Fall and ancient mysoginy would have wound up differently.

But the ancient authors of this myth wanted to make it pretty clear that only woman was fit to be a partner to man. Now, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: this is a Just-So story about how men and women came to get together, and it rather places women in the subservient role in the relationship. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” And that’s how the leopard got his spots. Woman is part of man, she is his helpmeet, etc.

But think about it for a minute based on what I just said: no other partner for man would do than woman. It’s an acknowledgment that human relationships are going to be paramount to this particular story, the story of the chosen people, not the story of the chosen people and also their goats. Livestock are important, but husband and wife are one fucking flesh, yo.

And nowhere does God say, “And by the way, only a man and a woman can do this; if you’ve got two dudes screwing, forget it, out of the pool, I’m tearing it down and starting over. Two chicks doing it is totally cool though, as long as they’re hot.” God just says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Man does pretty much all the talking, and it’s clear he’s straight, so when he says that’s how it is, take that as how he thinks it should be, not how God says. Adam’s doing all the naming in this chapter anyway, and God lets him, but God doesn’t say it’s all correct, just that if that’s the name Adam decides on, that’s the name he decides on.

In all seriousness, I don’t want this to all be about liberal theology. The men (pretty much all men) writing the Bible were living in a time when things were a certain way. Moving on.

Holy Moly: In the Beginning

I'm embarking on a little project inspired by some far better folks. I'll be reading through the Bible, bit by bit, tackling it as it comes, speaking with my various sources, and just generally cutting it to pieces. Because it's a book. I promise you'll find something in here by which to be scandalized. Get that out of the way. No, I'm not going after the Bible as a book of history and tearing it down. No, I don't believe it's the inerrant word of God, any more than my conversations with God are. God doesn't err, but humans do plenty of that to make up for it.

So, without further ado...

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In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Gen 1:1-2 NIV

Let's get this out of the way: I don't read Hebrew. I'm not using the KJV here, although sometimes I might. I'm going for the NIV because it's a neutral territory.

This is one, count 'em, one of the two creation stories in the beginning of Genesis. Genesis means creation, so why isn't the whole thing taken up with what seems like a pretty darned important story: that first sentence there. We want God to go all Minecraft on shit. We want to hear the precise recipe used to create the heavens and the earth. And where was God before all this went down?

But Genesis is about how the chosen people (not Christians, for those keeping score at home) came to be the chosen people. And the writers of Genesis pretty much threw up their hands and said, "Fuck it, He's God, He did it, who are we to argue?"  I spoke with Ephraim, who sat on the committee, and he said to me, "Look, we weren't setting out to make a scientific account of things. That the universe was created was the important thing at the time. If we'd known you would all be taking our work as science, we probably would have said something about the Big Bang."

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. Gen 1:3-5 NIV

I think you'll agree that light is a pretty important first step. We can't see without light, even if there isn't anything to see. I find it interesting that God created the heavens and the earth first, then created light. It shows that the writers were pretty sure that light couldn't exist without something to shine on. We now know this is bullshit.  But they did get the fact that darkness is merely an absence of light correct, so kudos to them.

The order of creation here is really more fascinating than my flip observation above. There was a period of time when the earth, without form though it was, existed without the traditional observations of time. No light means no cycle of day and night, which was only created after God brought it into existences later in the passage. So how long was it? It's traditional to lump all of the stuff prior to "the first day" into one day, but that's utter crap: evening and then morning constituted the first day, and all of that takes place after God creates the earth, light, and names day and night.

Also notice (I only did after thinking about it) that the day cycle is evening-morning, not the other way around. Which means that not until God turned out the lights for the first time did time start cycling. Also, how hopeful is the thought that the day may start out dying but it's reborn before the end. I like that thought. It's not about Jesus; these folks were writing way, way before that was a thought. But I like the idea that day follows night, not that night follows day.

I don't know about you, but I love the magic of Genesis 1. God gives form to things by speaking them. To jump way ahead, in the beginning was the word. Words give humans power over things; we can name and therefore identify, count, segregate, and even specify the future of things because we name them. What else could writers of a sacred text do but believe that their words were small echoes of the primal creative force of the God who spoke things into being?

The idea is hardly unique to Judeo-Christian religious types either. The Egyptians believed that hieroglyphs (from the Greek for holy marks or letters) were magical writing, creative symbols which brought that which they represented to life.  In fact, anywhere there is writing, there is a creative impulse. Only by defacing or destroying the symbols can you destroy. That's pretty fucking neat, when you think about it.

And God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water.” So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. God called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. Gen 1:6-8 NIV

Here we go a bit off the rails again, because we all know there's no great ocean above the sky, don't we? Unless you take it a bit more figuratively (that's a word I like to use a lot when talking about the Bible) in which case, hell yes, let's have some Steampunk up in this bitch and picture God creating some mighty sky-craft that ply the spaceways between worlds and hunt mighty Leviathan in the deep reaches of the cosmos.

Or we could just take Ephraim's word that it was just a metaphor, and how were ancient Jews supposed to know what space was like anyway? Look up. Doesn't that look like a giant vaulted ceiling to you? Me too. Fair enough. No illithids in the Pentateuch.  Not that it wouldn't have been better with them included.  Look for that in a few thousand years.

And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. Gen 1:9-13 NIV

I don't get into the Bible as science; it's not. But notice how they don't get it too far from wrong sometimes.

Note also that when God says it, it happens just like God says. The authors are very, very interested in you knowing this. God's word is the way things happen. Remember that. Much more important than which day had which thing in it.

But notice also that God says it, it happens, and then God sees it. We'll come back to that.

And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day. Gen 1:14-19 NIV

We finally get around to a source for light. Whoa, messed up, right? Or could it be that obviously there's light which comes from the sun and moon and stars but also from firelight, from ambient light, from reflections, from the light inside all of us? Deep, man.

Also here we get some timekeeping proper.  Because what if you fell asleep and woke up and didn't know what day it was?  Light-dark-light-dark is a good way to tell whether it's day or not, but not what day.  And even back then, on day 4 (God can count them because God is God) God is thinking about sacred times. Judaism is big on sacred times. Could be that's why it's mentioned so prominently.

And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky.” So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day. Gen 1:20-23 NIV

They get the seas right but the birds a bit off.  Can you really blame them? Seems like they're homing in on something.

God's big on being fruitful and multiplying. God wants the animals to be happy.  I like that.

And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Gen 1:24-25 NIV

 Even at this early stage, the Linnaean impulse to taxonomy is strong. We've got swimming things, flying things, livestock, slithering things, and wild animals. Not awful, although is a lizard a wild animal, a slithering thing, or a swimming thing? "Not the fucking point," said Ephraim, and he's right.

You can see where folks who believe this stuff is science might get mighty screwed up and believe things like spontaneous generation.  If the land produces living creatures, where's the sex? I guess the swimming things and birds get to get their freak on at all times with divine sanction, but land-dwellers have to arise from dung heaps and rotten meat.  Yet another example of biblical prudishness, I guess.  Or I could be reading too much into this. Ephraim says I am.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Gen 1:26-27 NIV

 Holy shit, wait a minute. Male and female he created them? I thought it was Adam, and then Eve was his rib, and anyway there are no indications we're only getting two of the little bastards.

Wait for it.

The "rule over" part is worrisome except it isn't. This isn't the Bible according to slithering things. This is the Bible written by ancient mankind-be-ers (humans?) which means of course they get created last and they get to lord over the rest of creation.

Let's skip that part and look at the real emphasis here, repeated twice: you're created in God's image.

I could spend probably the rest of my life talking about that, but it only becomes really important later on.  Right now, it's just important that you know that you're special.

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. Gen 1:28-30 NIV

Interesting observations: we're all supposed to be vegetarians, God speaks to us, and God wants us to
be happy and make with the fuckin'!

Let's tackle that middle point. God speaks to us. How amazing is that shit? But he spoke to the other creatures too. Food for thought there.

God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day. Gen 1:31 NIV

And on the seventh day he rested... wait, where's that part?

Wait for it.

We now circle back around to God speaking, it happening, and God seeing it. What does that mean? I choose to believe that it means that while God can create, God makes it so that things don't just happen well. God is pleased with God's creation, but for more reasons than just pride of creation. Six days have gone by and things are going well. God named things and gave them instructions, but those things went off and did well by themselves, and God saw that it was very good. That's heartening. It's also terrifying. Free will is like that.

But more than that, God sees that creation is good. That's important. It didn't end, "And God saw that he'd royally fucked up with the platypus and also that the insects were fucking creepy, and he would have trashed the whole thing but he was tired and feeling like a good stiff drink, so he left it and went off somewhere else to get smashed."  God takes an active interest in creation, but God is pleased, and God is only pleased because creation turned out well, not because it turned out according to God's design. God is stepping back, taking a gander at the canvas, and saying, "Holy Moly, that worked out better than I thought it would."

Heartening thought, that.  Sometimes shit works out to be very good.