And God said to Noah, "Everything that lives and moves will be your food. Just as I gave you the green grasses, I now give you everything."
God then introduces the kosher concept that one cannot eat meat which still has blood in it. But God just said, "Bro, eat all the animals. Like, all of them."
Because Genesis 9 doesn't originate from when kosher was a thing, kids. Remember that. It's just as silly to believe that kosher has always been a thing as it is to believe that hala'al has always been a thing. Or that parts of Daniel are talking about 21st century life. Or, despite the fact that the writers of the Gospels definitely want to convince us that Jesus is the fulfillment of the prophecies, that the prophets in the Old Testament would have agreed. The Bible is a collection of oral history written down way later and collected way later than that.
I also spoke to Noah, briefly, with regard to the covenant, and he said, "Note that God didn't say He would never wipe out all life again. He just said it wouldn't be a flood. So if you're worried about climate change being divine wrath, just remember that all life isn't going to be wiped out in a flood. Mass starvation, wars, disease, drought, wildfires, and tornadoes maybe, but you just stay put in your coastal cities because you're the most important people in the history of ever and God said there wouldn't be another flood. To me, a proto-Jew. Yeah, you people are idiots."
I tried to get him to elaborate, but he just chuckled and took a sip of his beer. Then he devoured a giant ham hock.
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