Easter

It's a busy time of the year for Josh (to whom we've spoken previously) so it took me a few days to schedule and then we both had to cancel because he was slated to appear on a waffle in Reno and I had a rehearsal for a play.  But I finally got to sit down with Jesus again to talk a bit about Easter.

Intransitive Lie (IL): Okay, I think we're recording now.  First off, congratulations on your anniversary.
Joshua ben Joseph (JC): Which one, the Good Friday one or the Easter Sunday one? (laughs)
IL: I imagine there are some folks who would probably congratulate you on the former.
JC: I think we talked about that a bit before.  It's not a day I forget, but I don't celebrate it per se.  I'm usually doing seder around then anyway, so my time is taken up hiding the afikomen for the kids to find.  That's the way we do it in our family, anyway.  I have total respect for the families that have the kids hide it though.
IL: So do you celebrate Easter?
JC: Of course.  It might seem a little egotistical of me, but I've got reasons.
IL: Such as?
JC: Well, first off, Eostre throws a heck of a party, so I always make it over there for that.
IL: So you're saying that Easter is really a pagan holiday co-opted by the Christians?
JC: Come on, learn your history.  Easter is called Easter in the Anglo-Saxon world because of the festival.  And the whole fertility thing?  Sure, that's from the Germanic tribes.  But Easter is celebrated when it is because of Jewish holidays, so while it's a happy coincidence, Easter is Easter.  Give the Christians a little credit.  They may have brought in some other traditions, but they didn't decide that I got my ass handed to me by the Romans because it nicely coincided with a fertility festival.
IL:Well then, how about the other reasons?
JC: It was a good day.  It didn't last, but it was a good day.
IL: Because you were resurrected?
JC: Sure, why not?  No, actually, not at all. I don't celebrate Easter because it was the day I came back.  But it was the day when all my brothers and sisters realized that the story doesn't end with death.
IL: So the resurrection is important?
JC: It was important to them.
IL: How so?
JC: Because despite Christians really trying to make my life the story of my death, or the story of Pentecost, my brothers and sisters really wanted everyone to know about Easter Sunday (or Saturday, or Tuesday, or whatever day it was because we didn't keep good calendars back then).
IL: So they wrote it in because they wanted you to come back when you didn't?
JC: This is turning pretty controversial, ain't it?  No, they didn't retcon my death out because the fans didn't like the ending.  They told the story of Easter because it was important for you to know that love wins.  I know a lot of folks say that the resurrection is blatantly tacked on to the end of the story, but that's what it is, a story.  And the story only works with Easter at the end.
IL: So you weren't resurrected?
JC: Does it matter?
IL: To a lot of people.
JC: That's because they're hung up on Good Friday.  Or they're hung up on Revelation and are expecting a Second Coming.  Quick aside: it never made sense to me that you call it "the Second Coming of Christ" when you believe in the resurrection.  Shouldn't it be "the Third Coming of Christ?"  God, Mary Magdalene and I used to make such horrible jokes about how I was just the Son of Man and three times might be asking a bit much.  Can I say that here?
IL: Yeah, we go blue relatively frequently.
JC: Mary's a card.  She tells the worst "I like my women like I like my..." jokes ever.  And she was doing it in Aramaic before it was cool.
IL: Step back to what you were saying about Christians being hung up on Good Friday.
JC: Right, sorry.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, lots of people want my resurrection to be historical fact, like pix or it didn't happen.  But that doesn't matter.
IL: In what way?
JC: If you're hung up on the symbol of me on the cross, then you've got to have the resurrection because that way you don't have to feel too guilty.  If you're hung up on Revelation (the book, not the concept) then you've got to have the resurrection because that's what you're expecting will happen to you at some point when I come back and wail on the antichrist.  But the resurrection wasn't about that.
IL: Then what was it about?
JC: It was about... well, two things.  And nice red uniforms.  I'll come in again.
IL: They get Python in Heaven?
JC: And unscrambled Skinemax too, but no one watches it.
IL: Sounds boring.
JC: Wait 'til you meet God. Porn doesn't hold a candle to that.
IL: I'll take your word for it.
JC: And no, we didn't kill Graham so we could have him all to ourselves.  But all joking aside, two major reasons for the resurrection.  First, because it shows love wins.
IL: You said that, yes.
JC: And second, you can't really blame them.  Their guru was dead.  They weren't looking for proof of life after death.  They just wanted me to stop by and tell them it was okay.  Hell, Peter was pretty sure he'd killed me himself.  The guilt on those guys.  So the resurrection is important for you because it shows that love wins, but for them, for my brothers and sisters, they just wanted to know if I was okay.  If anything I'd said was true.  And that's what the resurrection meant to them.  Later on it got made into this big deal and people started hoping it would happen to them too, but I never said it would.
IL: What about all the, "resurrection and life and he who believeth in me shall never die," routine?
JC: You guys have a real problem with taking things literally.  Like the whole bread and wine thing.  Understand metaphor, for Christ sake.
IL: So...
JC: You're going to die.  Every last one of you.
IL: Thanks for clearing that up.
JC: I did.  I was killed by a bunch of assholes.  Chances are you won't go that way, but does it really matter whether it's crucifixion or heart disease?
IL: So you were lying?
JC: I was speaking of a greater truth.  Believe in love and you won't "die." Sure, you're going to shuffle off the mortal coil, cease to be, ring down the curtain and join the choir invisible...
IL: You really do like Python, don't you?
JC: You're going to kick it, in the vernacular. But there's death and there's Death, and you won't capital-D Die if you believe in love.
IL: We're all very confused now.
JC: Read the parts I said in the Bible.  It's all there.
IL: So you're not going to give us a straight answer on the resurrection?
JC: You wouldn't understand it if I did.  I mean that in the nicest way.